My Immortal with commentary
by GendryandAryabelongtogether
Summary: The infamous My Immortal with comments by moi! I hope I have enough brain cells to survive this torture I'm putting myself through.
1. Chapter 1

**I know it's been done before, but it looks like fun. Let's see how many of my brain cells are left after this.**

**In case you didn't notice...this is the infamous "My Immortal" by the equally infamous Tara Gilesbie – I think that's spelt right. So..enjoy! Good luck on enjoying. **

**Disclaimer: I am sooooo glad I don't own this story!**

**BTW thanks to my bestie Tara o.O is there something she isn't telling me? Jks she's smart. **

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) **Er...you mean thanks right? **2 my gf (ew not in that way) **Could've fooled me. You mentioned it. **raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. **What spelling? **U rok! Justin **Bieber** ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX! **You don't sound depressed. Believe me I would know. **

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way **Your parents were high when they named you. **and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) **Wow**_**.**_**What a surprise.**__with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee. **Does anyone sense a Mary-Sue in the air? **(AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. **WOO! Vote incest! Not. **I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. **As opposed to black and crooked.** I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England **SCOTLAND! EVERYONE KNOWS THAT. **where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen).** No duh.** I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) **Correction. "Goffik"****. **and I wear mostly black.** No, really?** I love Hot Topic **Cause they have Hot Topic in Scotland...** and I buy all my clothes from there.** Wouldn't that get boring?** For example today I was wearing a black corset ***Cough*WHORE*Cough***with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining **Raining and snowing at the same time? Hogwarts is good, but it isn't THAT good. **so there was no sun, which I was very happy about.**Cause you're goffik?** A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. ***Clap...clap* Wow, your wits astound me. **

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy! **Gasp! Suspense nearly killed me! **

"What's up Draco?" I asked. **The sky. Honestly. **

"Nothing." he said shyly. **…DRACO LUCIUS MALFOY IS NOT SHY! **

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **Wow what an enlightening conversation. A real plot starter, I'm sure.**

AN: IS it good? **No. **PLZ tell me fangz! ***Stabs myself in the face*. **

How was it? Probably not as good as the others that have been read. Anyway decided to have a go (my bestie and I are getting out of maths homework to do this) :D  
>Until next time!<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own this fic (Thank merlin). All rights go to Tara Gilesbie. **

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! **Yeah...right** BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! **Maybe they're Goths who are insulted by your non-"Goffik"ness.**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom.

**Really? I woke up in the oven. **

It was snowing and raining again.

**Maybe it was sleet? **

I opened the door of my coffin **Vote for random coffins at Hogwarts!** and drank some blood from a bottle I had. **As you do.** My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink **Isn't pink a 'preppy' colour?** velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. **Nothing else? Naughty Ebony.** Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. **I'm sure that was lovely. **I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, **As opposed to non-pierced ears.** and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. **Uh-huh...**

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) **That's not wise to put real life people in a fanfic. Gosh that pisses me right off.** woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes.** Wait, wait, wait. So, let me get this straight. She woke up, grinned at you, flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks AND THEN opened her eyes? That's screwed up. **She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. **Slut much?** We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) **I wonder how many more of these descriptions we have to endure...**

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly. **Woopdeedoo. They talked.**

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing. **Vampires don't blush as they have no blood circulation. **

**Take that Stephanie Meyer. Edward has no blood circulation so therefore he cannot bear children.**

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall. **Oh my Merlin...THEY JUST TALKED! **

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.** No need to shout...**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me. **Impeccable timing, your Majesty. (Sorry, had to add it) :P Cookies to whoever knows what that quote is off **

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **Er, I think you're looking for the word FLIRTATIOUSLY. Of COURSE you don't like Draco! You just answered FLIRTILY. **

"Guess what." he said. **What, what what?**

"What?" I asked.** Don't copy me!**

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. **And why in the name of Merlin's hairy left nipple is a muggle band playing in an all-wizarding village? Hang on...WHY WOULD DRACO KNOW ABOUT A MUGGLE BAND?**

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. **Good Charlotte and MCR are now my least favourite bands of all time. **

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked. **Somehow that was the most in-character Draco has been...**

I gasped. **Wow! You gasped! I can just imagine every chapter ending that way! I went to the Great Hall. I gasped. I went to class. I gasped. I slit my wrists. I gas- wait that works. **

**What a wonderful ending to a wonderful chapter. Not. **


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3.

**Back with chapter three :D wow, I'm on a roll**

**Ok...I don't own. Thank merlin. **

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! **But...But...it's A DISGRACE! **odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! ***coughyourselfcough*** FANGS AGEN RAVEN! **Am I the only one who thinks Raven is an imaginary friend? Wait..that wouldn't work otherwise the spelling would be worse than it already is...** oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. **Thank God. Hehe. Just to piss her off. Anyway. **

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. **Here we go again...** Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. **Ok so now you're emo. Got it. **I read a depressing book while I waited for it **for what?** to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. **Didn't stop you before.** I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert. **Cause people always drink human blood before going to a concert. **

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. **Give it back to Mr Weasley! You don't like muggles!** He was wearing a Simple Plan **GASP! Ebony...liking a non-goth band?** t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). **In your insane asylum. BTW Draco's not cool he's a git. **

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.

**Me thinky you were acting depressed Ebony. You shouldn't lie about your emotions.**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. **Replied would have been better. **We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) **Illegal. In England it's supposed to have seven numbers. And don't even think about countering with Australian. We use six. **and flew to the place with the concert. **Hogsmeade. You just said it last chapter.** On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. **Even though it's thirty seconds to get to Hogsmeade by flying car? And ten minutes to walk? You should be exercising, otherwise your Mary-Sue body will get fat. ** We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. **DON'T LISTEN TO HER KIDDLIKINS!** When we got there, **where?** we both hopped out of the car. **And fell to your death. At least give him a chance to park it. ** We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage **Hogsmeade doesn't even have a club. It would have made more sense to do what Dumbledore did with the Great Hall in the Goblet of Fire.** and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood

They're all so happy you've arrived

The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom

She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

**Uh-huh. Thank Merlin you don't. **

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

**What are you doing? You don't say stuff like that on a date. Speaking of...**

**Okay, random story here. So...I went to my sister's tennis training and she was being coached by this Ben Barnes (Prince Caspian off Narnia) lookalike. He was HAWT. And then mum told me later he was single...and straight...and he has a sexy accent...and he's HAWT...and nice...and protective of his sister...and...yeah I'll shut up now. Sorry...**

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

**Cause you said someone else was hot you stupid blonde. **

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

**Wow. Ravenclaw material for sure.**

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

**Gah, she is sooooo mary-sueish. **

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

**Out of character out of character... WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIMMMMM? *starts weeping***

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

**What'd she ever do to you? Besides, she hates what you're doing to the Harry Potter-verse. Her and every other person who had the misfortune to read this despicable piece. **

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled **Because you're too drunk to walk.** back into the Mercedes-Benz,** FORD ANGLIA** but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest! **Which is in Hogwarts you dunderhead. **

**Hehehe. End of another chapter. Wow. My brain hurts. I need food. Until next time :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for the long wait :/ I promise to update more often now. Thanks to all my reviewers. **

**Disclaimer: I own only the commentary. As you can probably tell by the good grammar. **

**Warning: The following has an explicit sex scene. If you don't want to get a concussion (like I did) by laughing so hard you fell out of your bed...then DO NOT READ THIS. **

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY **lol fail. **nut mary su OK! **Whatever makes you sleep at night.** DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! **And that's a Mary-Sue. **dey nu eechodder b4 ok! **For two chapters!**

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" **Flying to the Forbidden Forest. **

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. **And died. ** I walked out of it too, curious. **And died as well. Curiosity killed Mrs Norris. Lol anyway. **

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily. **Defying gravity huh? Nope, DEFINITELY not Mary-Sue. **

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped. **Someone's on their period. **

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) **But...but...his sexy grey eyes! What happened to them? **which revealed so much depressing sorrowand evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **Huh. Normally when I see a guy with eyes filled with depressing sorrow and evilness, I either call the mental home or the police. Depending which mood he's in. **

And then... suddenly just as I **puked** Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. **A moment of silence to the tree.** He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. **Wow hardcore. I'm sixteen and I've done more than that.** Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. **Cue laughing so much I fell out of bed and got a concussion. That's what I wrote when I was six! Except I wrote about a bunny putting a carrot into it's pot and cooking it for the first time. **

"Oh! Oh! Oh!" I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. **Graphicness.** We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. **Don't forget. You=vampire=inability to get warm.** And then... **I died.**

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" **Best line right there. I'm not even joking. **

It was...Dumbledore! **But that ruined it slightly for me. **

**Ah...another chapter done. Gosh this story is messing with my brain. I can't even speak properly now, let alone spell properly. GAH! Must...go...to...sleep...**


	5. Chapter 5

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! **No excuse. Dumbledore never swears.** PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! **Don't give her good reviews! *Looks threateningly at people who think this is a gothic story.***

Dumbledore made **Internet Pornography **and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted.** Ah, insults. Gotta love 'em. **

I started to cry tears of blood **You should get that checked out. **down my pallid face. **There's always a mention of how bloody pale you are. WE GET IT!** Draco comforted me.** *Raises eyebrow.* Draco, comforting?** When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry. **How would they have known what was happening? Right...nothing's a secret when you're Tara Gilesbie and at Hogwarts.**

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice. **So you can write sexual intercourse but you can't write penis and vagina? An easy way to get around that is to call them Venis and Pagina. **

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall. **Haha I called my sister that today. She had no idea what I was talking about. **

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape. **Out of character...it would have been better to switch the comments around. **

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms."**Hear that, kiddlikins? If you ever get asked why you didn't do your homework or killed your dog or something like that, just shriek "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" and you'll get off Scot-free. I spose getting caught having sex when you aren't supposed to works as well. **

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us. **And yet they let you off? **

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently. **WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO DRACO? *Dying inside*.**

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. **Are you doing a Luna Lovegood and wearing shoes to bed? Do you sleepwalk?** When I came out... **Hedwig and Crookshanks were going at it and you were turned on so you joined them for a bestiality threesome. **

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, **How'd Draco get up there? There should be a slide...** and he started to sing "I just wanna live" by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, **You know, being a Vampire means you're dead...so wouldn't you rage if someone sang about wanting to live?** even though he wasn't supposed to be there.** ** **We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room. **You're chapter endings astound me. **

**Sorry I haven't written for ages, I've had school work plus my other story Hogwartians Read the Philosopher's Stone to get through. But I'm aiming on updating once a day, maybe twice. Read and review! **


	6. Chapter 6

**G'day! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in ages. My laptop keyboard exploded so now it's off getting fixed and mum and my sister are under the impression I'm doing homework. Time to get this done :D**

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! **NO MORE EBONY!**

The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. **But…You're a vampire. I hate these unnecessary clothing descriptions. **I spray-painted my hair with purple. **Well, guess who's hair is going to die in twenty years or so…**

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk **Yes, that's completely normal. **, and a glass of red blood. **I think someone needs to go to rehab. **Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top. **Good. **

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. **Unknown character.** He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face **o.O** and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore **Please don't do what I think you're doing…** and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore.** OH NO SHE DIDN'T! That bitch went there!** He had a manly stubble on his chin. **No way. **He had a sexy English accent. **Of course he did. You're all bloody British****. **He looked exactly like Joel Madden. **Really? I thought he looked like Daniel Radcliffe. **He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. **Hey, you said it.**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice. **Okay…maybe this isn't so bad…he's sort of in-character…**

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned. **And to think thirty seconds ago you were raging.**

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled. **Grrrr….me…..a…..vampire…..**

"Why?" I exclaimed. **Is that so unusual at Goffwarts?**

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled. **And….you ruined his character. Boys don't giggle. **

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed. **Well, aren't you special?**

"Really?" he whimpered. **HARRY JAMES POTTER DOES NOT WHIMPER!**

"Yeah." I roared. **I go to Pigfarts. The Headmaster RUMBLEROAR is a lion. That can talk. Beat that Ebony. **

We sat down to talk for a while. **What did you say? At least try to make it interesting. **Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise **sex. Intercourse. You-know-what. Whatever fits your description.** for me so I went away with him.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I AM SO SORRY OH DEAR GODS WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME FOR NOT UPDATING FOR SO LONG? I promise I will update more often now, I swear it under the old gods and the new (I've become an A Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones Junkie). I will finish this fic though, I promise. *Begs forgiveness on knees***

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz i got 5 god reviews. **From yourself **n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! **Wut **STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! **You do that. **Evony **Ebony…Enony…Enoby…**isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS!** Still seems pretty perfect to me.** n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!** Having problems doesn't automatically make you depressed.**

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. **A real plot starter. Black nail polish is the key! **I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish **A Satanist is singing on your nails? **(AN: c doez dat sound lik a Mary Sue 2 u?)**Yes. ** I waved to Vampire.** That's nice.** Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. **That's fucking nice. **I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. **Huh. So he doesn't have a crush on you? **Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…**oh god the suspense is killing me. What could come next COUGHSEXCOUGH I wonder?**

We started frenching passively ***gigglesnort* **and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. **Big word Evony well done. **He felt me up before I took of my top. **Hardcore. **Then I took off my black leather bra **My boobs hurt reading that. **and he took off his pants. **GASP! **We went on the bed and started making out naked **Oh wow, how daring. **and then he put his boy's thingy in mine** Can you change your gender now?** and we HAD SEX. **SHE SAID THE S WORD! **(c is dat stupid?) **Utterly.**

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm **Tell me your secrets to a quick orgasm!** when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. **Wouldn't you have seen it last time you did the dirty? **It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words…Vampire! **One word. Sigh…**

I was so angry. **Possessive bitch has entered the room!**

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed. **Ouch.**

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much. **How? It's a tattoo.**

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **I wish I could read the flaming reviews after that sentence. **

I put on my clothes all huffily ***gigglesnortchoke*** and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. **Hmmm. **He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care.** 1. Why do guys always have a big cock in these things? 2. Why did you point it out?** I stomped out **you just said that **and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people. **Sounds interesting…**

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled. **Aren't you angry about him fucking Draco? Pretty sure Vampire/Harry never fucked his mother but whatever you want to believe…**

**A/N: I think I lost some of my humour and my brain cells are dying again. Nevertheless, I shall stick to this to the bitter end. Until next time**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: So here is chapter eight. Enjoy :) **

AN: Stop flassing **Excuse you I don't floss anyone's ass **ok! if you do de prep! **I'm not even bothering trying to work out this sentence.**

Everyone in the class stared at me** You just came in raging. Of course they're staring** and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.** Dude who cares that Draco's naked? And DRACO MALFOY DOES NOT BEG!**

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly.** We all know that but Ebony is angry.**

My friend B'loody** Apostrophe again!** Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. **Wut** She flipped her long waist-length gothic black hair **You don't have to have black hair to be gothic -.-** and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. **RAWR MORE CONTACTS **She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on.** …white makeup on pale white skin…** Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. **NO THE BITCH WENT THERE AGAIN! **Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. **Dude you need to research depression** She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. **Okay that I can get but seriously **It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. **So she's related to Zacharias Smith? **(Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Gryffindor. ) **I wasn't aware that a person's religion was the key to which House you're in. I wasn't even aware you could transfer houses.**

**So let me get this straight. **

**Preps – Gryffindors**

**Atheists – Ravenclaws**

**Christians – Hufflepuffs. **

**Hmmm**

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" **The only good part to this story are the insults **Snape demeaned **Demeaned…**angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him. **Why point it out then?**

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him.** Wait weren't you with Draco?**

…

…

**THAT TWO-TIMING BITCH**

Everyone gasped. **Oh really**

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me.** Wait what** I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony)** Saying you're bi and genuinely being bi are two different things. Saying you're bi doesn't make you cool** for a while but then he broke my heart.** Of course he did** He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. **Who the fuck is Britney? **We were just good friends now.** Yeah um if I dated someone and had sex with them regularly I couldn't go back to the 'just friends' thing.** He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep). **Seriously you need to research Goths and depression. THEY ARE NOT THE SAME. YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE DEPRESSED TO BE GOTHIC!**

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire. **Wait Vampire did go out with Ebony? When did that happen?**

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off you bastard!"**Calm your tits** I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility **Dafuq is that **to Draco and then I started to burst into tears.** I'm pretty sure you don't just "start" bursting into tears.**

**A/N: Sigh, another chapter done. Until next time :D**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Here's chapter…nine I think. Anyway, read and review :D**

AN: stop flaming ok! **no **I dntn red all da boox! **Not surprised. **dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! **Yes it is because he doesn't swear in the movies **besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! **Your point is? **and da reason snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist!** Well actually Snape had a creepy crush on Harry's mum and she married his sworn enemy and died and Harry is the representation of the man Snape hates, but with the eyes of the woman he loved. But that's too simple, isn't it?** MCR ROX!

I was so mad and sad.** You're a poet and you know it.** I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me.** *rolls eyes* DRACO IS A DOUCHE** I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco. **How the fuck do you remember which tree it was?**

Then all of a** what** suddenly an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic.** WEARING BLACK IS NOT SOMETHING THAT ONLY GOTHS DO** It was…Voldemort! **GASP! I had NO idea :O **

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" **Imperio! **and I couldn't run away. **Enoby can't do something? :O**

"Crookshanks!" **Dafuq does a cat have to do with anything** I shouted at him. Voldemort fell off his broom and started to scream. **So Crookshanks is the torture curse. I feel like I know everything now. **I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist **If you're a sadist then YOU REVEL IN SOMEONE'S PAIN! TAKE A LESSON OFF JOFFREY!** so I stopped.

"Ebony!" he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" **Either Voldemort is being possessed by the Deku tree in Zelda or Shakespeare has revealed his true colours.**

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes **They're sexy when they're green** and his gothic black hair ***facedesk* **and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. ***Stabs myself* **

**Okay. Joel Madden is on the Voice Australia and HE DOES NOT LOOK LIKE HARRY FREAKIN' POTTER! **

I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? ***slow clap for the wit of Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way* **

**Dude, my sister could have figured that out and she thought an egg had to be peeled before it could be cooked.**

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back. **MARY SUE HAS ENTERED THE BUILDING!**

Voldemort gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged. **PLEASE LET HER SHOOT HERSELF!**

"Thou must!" he **(Deku Tree/Shakespeare) **yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" **Good. Put him out of his misery.**

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way. **Cliché cutesy conversation between victim and criminal coming up.**

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded ***giggle* **look on his face. "I hath telekinesis." **I can move things with my mind **he answered cruelly. "And if doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick. **How do you fly "angrily"? **

I was so scared and mad and I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods. **Great timing Draco.**

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!" **OMG Draco, you will NEVER guess what just happened! So, I was crying against the tree we did the dirty on and then that gothic pretender Voldemort showed up and gave me a gun! So now I guess I have to kill our ex-boyf and if I don't old Voldie will kill you. Had such a great time!**

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. **Because he has to look at your face.** He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way. **VOLDEMORT THREATENED TO KILL YOUR BOYFRIEND AND YOU'RE POINTING OUT HIS MAKEUP? DAFUQ IS WRONG WITH YOU?**

"Are you okay?" I asked. **Obviously not**

"No." he answered. **Told you so**

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled. **Who did you expel? That power lies only with the Headmaster!**

"That's okay." he said all depressed **Stop throwing that word around when you don't know what it means **and we went back to Hogwarts together making out. **Dude there are 742 staircases in Hogwarts. You're going to fall to your death.**

**On second thought, continue doing that.**

**A/N: So chapter nine is finished :D Until next time Potterheads!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: So here's chapter ten! Read, review and enjoy :D**

AN: stup it u gay fags **for someone who's 'bisexual', you really are an homophobe **if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! **Fanfiction did that for you** ps it turnz out b'loody Mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok! **1. She's a muggleborn you fuckwit. 2. Slytherin isn't the evil house you fuckwit. 3. Twilight meets Harry Potter. But Twilight was better written.**

I was really scared about Vlodemort all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. **What kind of band name is that? **I am the lead singer of it** of course you are** and I play guitar.** MARY-SUE *looks around* WHO SAID THAT?** People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. **That would sound terrible. **The other people in the band were B'loody Mary **Hermione**, Vampire **Harry**, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo **NO** now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it. **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHAT ABOUT HIS RED HAIR?**) and Hargrid. **HAR! (sorry guys only Thronies will get that one)** Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. **Do you know how hard it is to write a song? **I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists **Well don't sound worried about your boyfriend or anything**(he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that** DUDE you wore CROSS EARRINGS in the first chapter**) or a steak** Bit of medium-rare steak will do the job**) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like the Corpse Bride.** Corpse Bride is Tim Burton. That's not depressing, it's just weird.** I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs **Because I want to look at your boobs all day** and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan **SIMPLE PLAN WOULD NOT WANT A FAN LIKE YOU **on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not. ***Crickets chirping***

We were singing a cover of 'Helena'** Wait aren't you writing songs?** and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears. **BUST THE TEAR MOVE EBS**

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice.** Hermione is very intensely questioning the Mary-Sue**

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. **Woah, calm your tits. **And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. **#HOMOPHOBE** But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears. **You did that like…six sentences ago…**

Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. **Wasn't he off cutting himself somewhere? **

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. **Um because you were too busy making out with her? **"How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" **Ouch.** (c is dat out of character?) **Yes, yes it is.**

I started to cry and cry. **You started crying ages ago. **Draco started to cry too all sensitive.** HE IS NOT SENSITIVE** Then he ran out crying. **Well…alright then.**

We practiced for one more hour. **Why would you continue practicing after THAT? **Then suddenly Dumbledore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't because he had a headache…**Is shit about to hit the fan?**

"What have you done?" He started to cry wisely. **As only Dumbledore can do, apparently.**(c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists." **You JUST SAID VAMPIRES DON'T DIE FROM SLITTING THEIR WRISTS!**

**A/N: Rocks back and forth….anyway, now that the poser Goffikness that is Ebony is finished with this chapter…I can go rebirth my brain cells. Until next time!**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Here's chapter eleven. My brain hurts.**

AN: I sed stup flaming up prepz! **Says the prep. **c if dis chaptr is stupid!1111 **I see this chapter is stupid. **it delz wit rly sris issus! **I know. You just write them terribly so we can't take you seriously. **sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid **I do see for myself. **brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me! **Sorry Raven but you need to help her a lot more.**

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! **The grammar Nazi in me is dying right now.** B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her to fuck off **A lady always says 'That's nice' **and I ran to my room crying chased **wait what **after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way. **Dumbles is gay, assuming he's the one chasing you. You aren't his type Ebs.**

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood **You really need that checked out **and then I slit both of my wrists. **It's infuriating how casually she acknowledges self-harm **They got all over my clothes so I took them off **Wait, your wrists got all over your clothes and so you took them off? **and jumped into the bath angrily **I'm picturing her doing an angry cannonball**while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. **Is Linkin Park even a Goth Band?**I grabbed a steak **Was it yummy? **and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide.** Dude, that is not something to talk casually about.** I was so fucking depressed! **No, you're playing up on being depressed. You are attention seeking. **I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. **Another pointless clothing description is coming…**I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed…Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! **MUGGLE CONTRAPTIONS DO NOT WORK AT HOGWARTS FOOL! **And Loopin was masticating to it! **What was he chewing? **They were sitting on their broomsticks. **Duh.**

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! **YOU SPENT LIKE THREE QUARTERS OF A PARAGRAPH DESCRIBING WHAT YOU'RE WEARING FUCKWIT! **ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!"** Actually if you have your period and are over twelve then the proper term is a statutory rapist, not paedophie. But don't mind the small difference.** I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason **Can't say I've ever heard of Marilyn Mason. **on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in. **Huh. Timely arrival.**

"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. **I'm just picturing him rapping Abra Kedavra over again to the part Harry has in the Mysterious Ticking Noise and thrusting his hips to the beat while a rabbit comes out of his hat. **I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion **Really? What are you, eight? **times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dumblydore **I didn't know Madame Maxime was writing this as well. **ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has **revealed your father (Don't mind the Star Wars reference, it's the only one I understand**…NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…**Either a pointless sex scene or someone else professing their undying love for her.**

Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk. **Wait what when did you go outside? I'm just picturing Hagrid running on the ground pretending to fly his broom.**

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!" **HE'S THE GAMEKEEPER FUCKWIT!**

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…" Hargrid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!" **FFS SMH…**

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. **A wand is not a gun.** "There must be other factors." **That doesn't make sense.**

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly. **Huh?**

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. ***Facedesk* **"The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!" **Oh really? So the gazillion shots didn't break the tape as well?**

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood. **Dude you need serious help. A normal person would need Water.**

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook. **Is that like a cross between a cloak and a chook? So he's like, rubbing his hands on his chicken cloak?**

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. **Oh sweet Jesus here we go** I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint. ***Backs away slowly***

"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…**I LOVE HER**" Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, **HashtagGrammarNazi** waving his wand in the air. ***I throw my wand up in the air sometimes, saying A-ER, I LOVE HER!*** Then swooped he in singing the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. **Dafuq**

"Because you're goffic?"** *shudder*** Snap asked in a little afraid voice** SNAPE NEVER TALKS LIKE THAT!** cause he was afraid it meant he was connected with Satan.** Um…I'm beginning to think Tara is writing about a Satanist cult in Hogwarts.**

"Because I LOVE HER!" **I KNEW IT!**

**A/N: After that exhausting episode, I must needs regenerate my brain cells. Until next time, R&R! :D**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Here we go again with chapter twelve! Enjoy :D**

Chapter 12.

AN: stop f,aing **That's bad even for you **ok hargrid is a pedo **statutory rapist is the correct term. Besides, isn't he a student? **2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat **the fuck kinda school do you go to?** I wunted 2 adres da ishu! **Well you addressed it. **how do u no snap iant **Um because he's creepily obsessed with a dead woman? **kristan plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok! **Sedric? I'm pretty sure there was never a Sedric…**

I was about to slit my wrists again **Dude **with the silver knife that Draco had given me in case anything happened to him.** When did that happen?** He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy **Why would he say that? **but I knew that we must both go together. **Ebs you met him twelve chapters ago! And I thought vampires can't die from slit wrists!**

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid **Still spelt it wrong honey **but it was Vampire. He started to scream. **Didn't he just scream? **"OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" **This made me giggle for some reason **and then…his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **You lot really do need to get that checked out.**

I stopped. "How did u know?" **Um…because it HURTS?**

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!" **Wait what**

"I do but Diabolo** Ron** changed it into a pentagram **-.- are you fucking kidding me?** for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! **FROM EBONY! **then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco…Volfemort has him bondage!" **Well thank goodness it isn't Voldemort who has him bondage.**

Anyway I was in the school nurses office now recovering from my slit wrists. **I thought Vampires didn't bleed…**Snap and Loopin and HAHRID **Still spelt wrong. **were there too. They were going to St. Mango's **I didn't know the hospital was named after a fruit. **after they recovered because they were pedofiles **Dude a paedophile is someone who manipulates pre-pubescent children into sex. **and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz. **I dearly hope you aren't referring to yourself. **Dumbledore had constipated **Heehee **the cideo camera they took of me naked. **But they used the video camera, not the cideo camera! **I put up my middle finger at them. **Wow, their feelings must be so hurt from that.**

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses. **Wait isn't he going to St. Mango's?**

"Enoby I need to tell you something." he said in a v. **are you seriously too lazy to write very? **serious voice, giving me the roses.

"Fuck off."** Lovely. ** I told him. "You know I fucking hate the colour pink **No you don't. You wear pink all the time. **anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps like you." **So you're a prep if she doesn't like you. What about a normal person?** I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik. **That's a new one.**

"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses." **Huh.**

"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?"** Dude calling someone a prep isn't insulting.** I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses. **At least someone made an effort ungrateful bitch!**

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. **When?** ""No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video **You write this atrocity and yet you can't say porn? **made from your shower scene **It was a bath but who's keeping track? **and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong)**yes** to it he added silently. **Why did you write that? It makes zero sense.**

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly.** You know he's right.**

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses."** He just said that.** He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! **I'm not even trying to understand this.**

"That's not a spell that's an MCR ***shudder* **song." I corrected him wisely. **EBONY OH WISE ONE! **

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal chords." **That's not how it's done.** Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio (4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! **MCR is punk, not goth. FFS** specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!" **Add "O" to everything and Ebony becomes your biggest fan.**

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. **Okay that was pretty cool, I'll give her that. **And it was black. **You just said that.** Now I knew he wasn't a prep. **Dafuq is even a prep anyway?**

"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?" **I know, what the fuck is Drako? Weren't you with Draco?**

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing. **Doing some creepy Melisandre shit are you?**

"U c, Enobby, **That's a new one.**" Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes (HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT **I got it. Lame.**) u mst find urslf 1st, k?" **Every author in the history of forever would die of grief right now.**

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!** Ouch.**" Hargrid yelled. dUMBLydore looked shockd. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back. **So Dumblydore argues when he has a headache? **

Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!" **Does Prof dumbledoree speak whale?**

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress **Here we go again…**that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joel Armstrong on them. **That would look horrible. **I put my hair all around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!** Wow not knowing her doesn't make anyone a prep. It just means they don't know her.**) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss.

"You look kawai, **Dafuq is kawai? **girl." B'loody Mary said sadly. "Fangs (geddit** *dead***) you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset.** Well saying something sadly generally means you're upset.** I slit both of my wrists** Another casual emo session** feeling totally depressed **Sigh. **and I sucked all the blood. **o.O **I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time. **Dude they're at St. Mango's. **I went to some classes. **Well that makes a nice change.** Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Creatures **Where we study the hair of the creatures! Fascinating!**. He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff. **Um…**

"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wquallysaid **What's that word?** way.

We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red **GREEN! **gothic **Gothic is a shade of red now? **eyes so much like Dracos. Then…we jumped on each other and started screwing each other. **WTF YOU'RE IN THE SCHOOL GROUNDS! DO YOU HAVE NO DECENCY?**

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" **Best insult** shouted Professor McGoggle ***giggle* **who was watching us and so was everyone else. **Of course they are. **

"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. **What the hell Ebony? You screwed him too!** "Stop trying to screw me! You know I loved Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily. **Dude you did it too!**

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!"and then…his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **Why does this sound familiar?**

"NO!" I ran up closer.

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted. **The déjà vu is strong.**

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco…Volfemort has him bondage!" **Well thank goodness it isn't Vold – wait, we have been through this. AT THE START OF THE CHAPTER!**

SPECIAL FANGS 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111 **I'm not sure if Tara is angry or not.**

HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I **WTF**

**A/N: So there is chapter twelve. Hope you enjoy, until next time!**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Here's chapter thirteen :D So I did some research and apparently Tara is actually a guy named Todd. But who knows for sure?**

Chapter 13.

AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin **Wut **me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard **DUDE YOU STOLE YOUR FRIEND'S POSTER? **but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! **That's no excuse. **PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG! **Never.**

Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared. **Right the no-scar-to-pentagram-to-Volfemort-has-Draco-in-bondage thing. Just a typical day at Goffwarts.**

"Dumbledore Dumblydore **Let down your beard! **!" we both yelled. Dumbledore came there. ***shudders at mental image***

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?"**Heehee I love when the insults are unprovoked. ** he asked angrily.

"Volsemort **Well at least it isn't Voldemort! **has Draco!" we shouted at the same time.

He laughed in an evil voice. **Wait what why would you do that Dumbles?**

"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" we begged.** Huh. Making assumptions I see.**

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco.** *rockingbackandforth* Real Dumbledore wouldn't say that…** Not after how he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony. **DAMMIT EBONY**" he said while he frowned looking at me."Besides I never liked him that much anyway.** I feel like AVPM Dumbledore would say exactly this if AVPM Draco was kidnapped.**" then he walked away. Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned. (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!) **Um. All gays or just, like, a small goth minority?**

"It's okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. **YEAH THAT'S KARMA BITCH! **He started to cry tears of blood. **Seriously, get that treated. **Then he had a brainstorm. "I had an idea!" he exclaimed. ***Gasp* Really?**

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then…suddenly we were in Voldemprt's lair! **Okay, okay. 1. YOU CANNOT APPARATE IN OR OUT OF HOGWARTS UNLESS YOU ARE THE HEADMASTER! 2. Voldemort has a lair? Really?**

We ran in with our wands out Just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah Kedavra!" **And Aladdin dropped dead.**

It was…Voldemort! **No shit Sherlock.**

**A/N: I've been going through the reviews for this fic, considering it's been like, three years and I've just started writing again. I love all the reviews x they're so sweet. Until next time :D**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Here is chapter fourteen all :D *hands out compensation for what you must endure***

Chapter 14.

AN: fuk off PREPZ ok!** What's the magic word?** Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperssd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists. **Um…how does one respond to that? **PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god reoiws! **We'll be waiting a long time then.**

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. **GASP** VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD. **You advise me to shit myself? O.o**

We ran to where Volcemort was.** What the fuck's a Volcemort?** It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there. **No duh. It's Volcemort. **Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. ***facedesk* rule one of being an author – KNOW THE CHARACTERS! **Draco was there crying tears of blood.** Again?** Snaketail was torturing him. **Who the fuck is Snaketail?** Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail. **Wow. Much confronting. **

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!** Again with the unprovoked insult :D**" he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he **screwed. **Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. **NO NOT AGAIN** "." he said. (in dis he is sixteen years old so hes not a pedofile ok) **Again with the incorrect use of the word paedophile -.-**

"Huh?" I asked. **My thoughts exactly**

"Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" **MARY SUE *looks around* WHO SAID THAT **asked Snaketail. I started laughing crudely. "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard." I said angrily. **Don't lie, if Draco wasn't in the same room you'd have taken his offer. **Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood poured out of it like a fountain. **Wow. Much graphic. Very bloody fountain.**

"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around. **I'm imagining flailing arms and shimmying. **Then he fell down and died. **Much dramatic. **I brust into tears sadly. **Well if one bursts into tears, they are normally sad.**

"Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort. **Voldemort Shakespeare! **Then…he started coming! **Gross. **We could hear his high heels clacking to us. **Wait, so now I'm imagining Voldemort and he wears one of those grey curly wigs from like five hundred years ago and a nice dress and heels. That's a disturbing image. **So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. **Well that was anticlimactic. **We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying. **Weren't you crying before?**

"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. **Giggle. Really? **He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah)***shudders at terrible pun*** and a really huge you-know-what and everything. **How old are you? Twelve?**

"It's so unfair!" I yielded. **Cue cliché Mary-Sue rant. **"Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything." **So if you aren't gothic, you're plain and ugly? Um…that's stereotyping Ebs.**

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts." answered Draco. **Again with the stereotyping.**

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! **Mary Sue **Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. **YOU WERE WEARING CLOTHES YOU IDIOT.** Hargrid says he's in love with me. ***Calm down* **Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! **SNAKETAIL IS DEAD **I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" **Sigh…**I shouted angrily. (an" don't worry enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl have told her shes pretty) **Could've fooled me **"Im good at too many things! **Mary Sue** WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away.** Wow. Much Mary-Sue. Very character perfect. **

**A/N: I love the Doge meme in case you couldn't tell. I feel like I'm the only one who does but I digress. **

**Until next time! I think chapter fifteen is the last chapter Raven helps her with so prepare for even worse chapters from chapter 16.**


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15.

AN: stup flaming ok! **No **btw u suk frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz! **Dude seriously? **fangz 2 raven 4 hlepin! **…**

"Ebony Ebony!" shouted Draco sadly. "No, please, come back!"

But I was too mad. **You always are.**

"Whatever! Now you can go anh have sex with Vampire!" I shouted. **Dafuq did that come from?** I stormed into my room **I thought you just left your room…**and closed my black door with my blood-red key. **No one cares. **It had a picture of Marilyn Manson **Ew **on it. He looked so sexy **Ummm **in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire. **DO NOT COMPARE MARILYN MANSON TO DRACO AND HARRY! **I started to cry and weep.** I thought you were already doing that.** I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. **Why would you **I drank the blood all depressed. **Sigh…I feel like Tara doesn't understand what depression is. **Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class. **Biology? BIOLOGY? IT'S A MAGIC SCHOOL WHY ARE YOU STUDYING SCIENCE?**

I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt. **So today I wore black pants and tennis shoes and a pretty blue top with blue flowers and a pretty cool jacket. **Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them with blood red letters. **My shoes are red and black like dose sexy Targaryens on GoT **I put my ebony black hair out. **My hair is red and in a bob **Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual. ** See? NO ONE CARES WHAT PEOPLE WEAR AS LONG AS THEY'RE WEARING SOMETHING SO STOP DESCRIBING YOUR LINGERIE OUTFITS! **I did sum advanced Biology **You're too stupid for advanced biology. A grade average student here and I found PSYCHOLOGY difficult.** work. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. **IT'S TRANFIGURATION NOT BIOLOGY YOU DUNDERHEAD! **Suddenly the guitar turned into Draco! ***Facedesk***

"Enoby I love you!" he shouted sadly.** I'd be sad too, don't worry.** "I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink. **FFS with the stereotyping. **Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. **Here comes the Mary-Sue's-Boyfriend-Rant-About-Her-Being-Perfect. **Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time. Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!." **1. That sounds like emotional blackmail. 2. Overuse of the fuck word. **Then…he started to sing "Da Chronicles of Life and Death" (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it)**How do you remember? You were pissed out of your mind.** right in front of the entire class! His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson **I'm over these cross-singers.**(AN: don't u fink dos guyz r so hot.** Okay, Joel is CUTE, Gerard is sorta okay-looking, Chester and Pierre, I've got no idea who they are and Marilyn is just fucking creepy.** if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr! **And you wonder why no one likes you.**)

"OMFG." I said **Wow a guy just serenaded you. That was a disappointing reaction. **after he was finished. Some fucking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers **That's nice.**(that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Draco's now **NO ONE CARES**) at them. "I love you!" I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch) and CMM in a Cinderella Story. **If you hate Hilary Duff so much and you're so 'goffik', why would you watch a tweeny movie that she stars in and has every cliché imaginable? **Then we went away holding hands. Loopin shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether**Wait, isn't Lupin in St. Mango's or wherever? And Lupin would NEVER allow people to just go, no matter how many people were clapping.**. Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then. **Because everything falls into place perfectly for you MARY SUE. **We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether. **Alright then…**

**A/N: It's been AGES since I last updated this! I'm sorry! My excuse – I have two other stories I'm working on in the Song of Ice and Fire category and THEY ARE TAKING OVER MY LIFE! But I still update this when I can :D**


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